Tomorrow is Halloween, and I LOVE Halloween like any good witch worth her broomstraw, but I tell you, there are A LOT of assholes and dimwits (no, that is not a new country music group) out there making it really tough not to roundhouse kick them in the head! So, people, let me just explain to you a few of the reasons why I'm going to knock someone the fuck out, that way, when you regain consciousness, you'll know why. I'll number the reasons, because it's fun and it's my blog, so I'll do what I want. Got it?
1) The Whorification of Halloween. The ancient Pagans/Celts/Druids and other peoples who began Samhain (the real name for what is now known as Halloween) did not go out shopping at the local polyester and toxic vinyl mask mass marketing shops to persuse the plethora of ass length Alice in Hookerland or Spongebob Whorepants costumes to get in touch with their inner slut (and trust me, there's an inner slut in all of us!). No, we didn't! So why do women, who have valiantly struggled for years to be taken as seriously as the penis persuasion, decide that on Halloween the best choice for "dressing up" would be something ass length paired with a corset, fishnets and high heels? I myself love corsets, fishnets, high heels and dresses, not ass length dresses, but this isn't about what's in my closet, is it? I'm aware that it's the right of every person of legal voting age to whore up at will, but what really chaps my ass is how many girls at my daughter's elementary school were all whored up for the Halloween parade on Friday! Little girls in ass length costumes complete with fishnets and corsets? I don't understand what's going through a parent's mind (or place where their mind would be if they had one) when they whorify the baby girls and send them to school [un]dressed like that? Hmm...we can dress our 10year olds like women who get paid via dollar bills shoved in their g-strings and send them out in the dark to ask for candy from strangers? What's the worst that could happen? That kind of decision making skill takes buttfuckery to a whole new level! Moving on---->
2) Witches being portrayed as gnarled and hunched and green and warty. I do not have a long twisty nose, pointed chin, warts, and I'm not green. Witches aren't bad, just so you all know. We are amongst you every place you go. Paganism isn't contagious, it's not Satanic, it's not bad, evil, we don't sacrifice anything, even on Halloween, plus, do you have any idea how difficult it is to find virgins around Halloween what with everyone all tarted up? Sheesh! So skip over that inaccurate portrayal of witches for your Halloween decorations and perhaps go with something TRULY frightening, maybe a life sized cut out of Sarah Palin? That would scare the living crap out of me, that's for certain!
3) The churches being so determined to steal EVERYTHING the Pagans do by branding their October 31 events as "Harvest Festivals" and making claims that one and all can come enjoy a family friendly night free from all of those scary witches and Pagan types. If the Pagans and our celebrations & rituals make you uncomfortable, why do you keep ripping them off? I'm sorry, I ended my sentence with a preposition. Why do you keep ripping them off, assholes? It's a Pagan holiday, for crap's sake. Then again, pretty much all of the holidays celebrated nowadays were ripped off from the happy dancing pagans. Why would this one be any different?
Ok boys and girls, I should pace myself. I've most likely offended quite a few folks with this rant-o-rama. I told you I didn't know how to behave. I'm a boat rocker, but I'm an excellent swimmer!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Mary Frickin Sunshine type who plans to bend you over and shove my ray of positivity right up your...butt, I mean but, or do I? Where was I? Oh yes, today I was at the beach listening to the waves & seabirds & letting the sunshine warm my skin & trying to let the raging bitch I've been for the past few days wash away with high tide. I think it worked, I'd tell you to ask my family but I haven't fed them just yet so they may have a skewed perspective.
Now about that family I mentioned...Since this blog is a new neighborhood for me, I've decided to do something I don't usually do. Ahem, no...I ALWAYS do that! I'm going to share a little. If you're a glutton for punishment, you peeked at the short but sweet bio I'm eternally revamping so you know I'm a karate instructor. In karate terms, I'm a 3rd kyu brown belt bad ass mammajamma. In English, I'm a belt below black belt & busting my round booty to earn myself that coveted black belt. I teach the 7-14 year old beginner class, which, on it's worst days, is like nailing jello to a tree and on it's best days it's one of the most fulfilling things I've ever done. Kind of like being a mom! Speaking of Mom, I have two fruitloops of my loins; a 14 year old son & a 10 year old daughter, see above reference to nailing Jello to a tree. Or maybe putting socks on a chicken?
Well, the 10 minutes I've spent checking my shop, email, facebook and blogspot are over and there's a hungry tribe I need to feed before the teenager & I head off to karate. Stay tuned for more warm moments of inappropriate touching...In the meantime, what are you making/having/hunting/gathering/buying for dinner?
Sunshine makes me happy. It's true, as those of you who are familiar with my work know. For those just joining us on this slow boat to sillytown, I'm solar powered and for the last 9 days (give or take a day either way) the sun has been m.i.a. Having used entirely too many words to say not much of anything, I'll stop dicking around and let you know that this morning, the sun finally returned! So here's a little tidbit about me-Most Sundays, I wake up much earlier than I'd like so I can gear up and attend karate classes. I am a ninja you know, and a karate instructor, so it doesn't look good if I miss classes just because I want one more day to sleep past 5:30am *sigh* (but I really do want just one more sleep in day!). Now, imagine my giggling delight to wander out to my kitchen this morning and see this sight out my sliding glass doors:
Amazing how a few shining rays of sunshine started my day of karatepalooza off on the right foot! I was training for the better part of 6 hours today, but I ate my lunch sitting in the sunshine, so I was happy.
This blog isn't really about anything, I'm still getting back in the swing of blogosity again.
After spending the majority of the past week locked in a battle of wills with my laptop, I made the announcement to no one in particular that I needed to buy a new one. Apparently, announcing such things aloud (to no one in particular) is exactly how the Matrix likes it because it just so happens that my favorite geektropolios had a great deal on a Toshiba lightning fast fancy new laptop! So, you guessed it. I bought one. Isn't it just the way things go that one finally masters their electronic doodad and then for some reason or another, ends up needeing to go out and purchase something new? Last week I reluctantly gave up my trusty little cell phone for a smart phone that initially made me feel quite dumb. I can only hope that no other electronic device malfunctions or I may go back to sending messsages in morse code or via carrier pigeons. Cut to a few hours post purchase of aforementioned laptop: After 5 years of furiously pecking away at the keys, downloading thousands of pictures, and being the gracioius recipient of a veritable buttload of music, most of the buttons had been stripped of their letters, numbers or symbols and quite honestly, I never looked at the keys anyway. Tonight I am not only making a slow return to blogging, but I'm inexplicably distracted by the shiny keys proudly displaying ALL of their letters, numbers & symbols. It slows me down, but all the same, I do like my shiny new laptop. Well friends, I've spent enough time on the vurld vide veb this week & I have a waaay too early morning karate class tomorrow, so let's call it a night and head to bed. Peace love and throwing stars~Giggling Ninja
After over a year of all but vanishing from the wilds of the blogosphere, I have decided to rejoin the blogging community. Oh who am I kidding? Truth is, I opened myself a little shop here on the Internet and quite frankly, I have a lot to say and decided to do something with all those words throwing elbows in the mosh pit of my mind.
So, before we go any further with this social intercourse, let me introduce myself. I'm Amy, and I'm a Giggling Ninja.